Confidence

“Sweat more in peace. Bleed less in war.” - Sun Tzu

This is one of my favourite quotes, and it’s the backbone of the resilience journey I take people on in workshops and presentations. It’s simple but important - if we do the work when we have the time and energy, we’ll be ready when the real challenge comes. The stress and frustration is coming regardless, so the question is whether we are prepared.

Confidence works exactly the same way.

Confidence doesn’t just arrive when we need it most. We build it well in advance. We have to earn it. And like anything worth having, it’s created before we find ourselves under pressure.

But how do we build it?

First of all, let’s look at the opposite of confidence - one perspective could be that we might suffer from imposter syndrome - the idea that we’re not good enough, that we don’t belong, that we’re faking it and it’s only a matter of time before we’re found out.

I was shocked to learn the stats around imposter syndrome. Studies show that up to 70% of people experience it at some point in their lives.

This self-doubt can be a truly paralyzing and suffocating trait we impose on ourselves. And yet, so many of us wait to feel ready before we act, before we speak up, step forward, or say yes to that opportunity. The best way I’ve found to move through that self-doubt is to build our confidence from the inside out.

The foundations of confidence

I have a personal exercise that I do every morning. It’s part of my larger morning routine, but this particular piece is when I do my daily affirmations. They are in the still of the morning, usually before my family stirs awake. I do them quietly, just to myself, reinforcing the day I intend to have. Part of these affirmations is the idea around building and maintaining my confidence. I believe it’s an important trait for anyone to have because people will feel that energy when we’re confident. If you’ve ever been around a strong leader, they have a contagious form of energy that creates a certain level of trust inside us that just feels good. Their confidence makes us feel confident - I want that!

For me, confidence boils down to two key ingredients: self-love and competence

1. Self-love is exactly what it says it is. It’s loving ourselves. Not in a way that is arrogant or cocky (like we’re better than everyone else). Instead, it’s about knowing ourselves deeply and choosing to love what we find. Ultimately it’s acceptance and compassion. It’s saying, “I’m a work in progress, and that’s ok.”

   Self-love gives us permission to fail and try again. It allows us to let go of the ‘imperfections’ we tend to think we have (even though many of them are just part of who we are) and also forgive ourselves for past mistakes, reframing them as fuel for growth. It’s speaking kindly to ourselves, like athletes who give themselves a pep talk before a game. They remind themselves that they can only do their best. The rest is out of their hands.

2. Competence is confidence’s quieter cousin, but we can’t underestimate it. Competence is the foundation. It’s the doing. The reps. The practice. It’s how we know we can walk into a situation and hold our own. Athletes access this as well, when they remember that they’ve trained for the moment, that it’s just what they do.

   Personally, whenever I need to present (whether it’s to a room of 10 or 500) I practice at least five times. That’s usually my sweet spot - if I get a minimum of 5 reps in, then my confidence skyrockets. It locks in the rhythm and gives me a clear sense of the story I’m telling. Arnold Schwarzenegger once rehearsed a 6-min speech 55 times to be ultimately prepared for the moment. There was no doubt he was ready for that moment when it arrived. Preparation provides that competence - that self-belief that we know our stuff, and that we can meet the moment, even if something comes at us from out of left-field.

   It’s like any adversity we practice (cold showers, anyone?). It’s brutal at first, but after a few goes at it, we adjust. What originally felt impossible is now just part of our routine.

(One note of caution… in my experience, there is such a thing as over-preparing. We can slip into analysis paralysis, nitpicking every word, rehearsing every move, and in doing so, actually feed our self-doubt. Confidence thrives in preparation, but it also requires trust. Trust that you’ve done enough. Trust that you’ll be okay, even if it’s not perfect. That’s why I feel that these two ingredients go so well together.)

For almost all of us, confidence isn’t something we're born with. It’s something we build.
With self-love. With practice. And with time.

And yes, it requires effort (that’s the sweat). But it saves us from pain and frustration (that’s the bleeding).

Until next time friends, stay resilient

Carre @ Resilient Minds

PS - this email is just the start. I help individuals, teams, and young people build real confidence and lasting resilience, all before the pressure hits. Let’s set up a workshop that leaves you and your team ready to show up strong, prepared, and ready to kick some serious goals.