Resilience on the rails

Nothing tests your inner calm like whisper-yelling on a bullet train at 300km/h while your kids argue about who got more time on the iPad.

We’re back from Japan. It’s still one of my favourite countries in the world and holds a close place in my heart as I was born there. Every visit has had its own flavour - I’ve been there as a wide-eyed child, an English teacher in my twenties, a ski tourist, a fiancé proudly showing off the country I love… and most recently as a dad traveling with two young boys.

This latest trip was completely different from the others. Now I’m a dad, confined to the hotel room late at night instead of smashing out karaoke until the wee hours, but it was also an opportunity to see Japan through the eyes of my kids. But if I’m honest, those eyes weren’t exactly lighting up at thousand-year-old shrines or the marvel of the Shinkansen. Instead, they were glued to searching for Pokémon cards or asking how many stops are left on the train. It was somewhat frustrating. And humbling.

Japan is a marvel – a land of contradictions that begins with a magical blend of ancient precision and futuristic technology. But travelling with kids, especially young ones, my focus shifted. Instead of soaking up the calm beauty of a Zen garden, I was fielding questions like:

“Why are we at another temple?”
“Why do we have to take the train again?”
“How many stops are left?”

There were moments I caught myself wishing they’d appreciate it more. To soak up the experience and show a little wonder of where we were. But I had to remind myself that they’re little. They don’t have the context yet. And more importantly, I’m part of the reason they reach for screens or snacks before they look out the window. That’s on me.

And yet, as frustrating as those moments were, they were also strangely beautiful (hindsight is always 20-20 right!?) because they reminded me that resilience doesn’t always show up as grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s just the small stuff like staying calm through chaos, or adapting instead of reacting.

3 things from this trip that also help in the workplace:

1. Pause before responding. This one’s simple but so helpful. Before I react to a complaint, meltdown, or minor crisis, I give myself a 5-second pause. It’s not a huge amount of time, but it’s just enough to give me space to shift from reactive parent to resilient human. Science also supports this because that micro-moment of awareness activates the prefrontal cortex (the part of our brain that helps us make decisions rather than default to emotion). This same pause can be applied at work too, which comes in handy before hitting reply on that spicy email, or jumping to conclusions in a meeting. Crazy to think that a 5-second pause can take your day in a whole new direction!

2. Shift to gratitude, even for the smallest thing. At the end of each day, I’d try to remind myself of one thing I was grateful for. Some days it was easier (a quiet moment in a garden, or the perfect ramen dish). Other days, it was whatever I could muster. For example, “no one got lost today” counts as a win too! Gratitude doesn’t have to be profound. It just has to be practiced. And gratitude has great physical benefits too, such as improved sleep and lower anxiety levels. Which can also come in extremely handy for the modern professional juggling chaos and dealing with challenging colleagues.

3. It could always be worse. I seem to say this after every trip but it’s a great little hack. There were moments where I was feeling maxed out - overstimulated, under-slept, and wondering why we even attempted international travel with small children. And then I’d catch myself and remember it could be worse: “at least no one is sick.” And immediately, everything would reframe. There’s power in zooming out. In reminding ourselves that discomfort is often a privilege. At a minimum, it’s a byproduct of doing something new, stretching our limits, or taking a risk. Imagining how things could have gone worse often increases satisfaction with the current outcome.

Final thought.

Matthew McConaughey has a great line in his book Greenlights: “you can get a passport stamp just by crossing the street.” And that concept has stuck with me, especially on this trip. Because while we might travel far, the biggest journey is always internal. Patience. Adaptability. Letting go. Staying kind even when tired. All the hallmarks of resilience, and none of them required a plane ticket.

Whether we're parents, leaders, or professionals juggling deadlines, we don’t need to be in Kyoto to practice resilience. We just need to slow down, pay attention, and keep showing up, even when things don’t go to plan.

In fact, especially when they don’t.

What has tested your resilience lately? I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated your own bumpy train rides. Reply to this email if you have a spare minute.

Otherwise….until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carre @ Resilient Minds

PS - want a great story of some Japanese resilience. Check out my recent post on the resilience of Honda.