The cookie jar

Welcome to the mid-week edition of The Resilience Brief, designed to help us finish the week strong. This week we’re diving into the power of the memories for when things went well. The cookie jar is our personal collection of proof that we're more capable than we think. If you like this week’s message, send it on to someone who might appreciate another cookie in their jar.

Even after a decade of studying and teaching it, I still consider myself a perpetual student of resilience. Some days, the tools I talk about can be applied like second nature. But there are also other days where it doesn’t go so well. Those are the days that really test me, the ones that remind me that resilience isn't about being perfect. Instead, it's about keeping going, even when it's hard.

On those harder days, one of the tools I rely on is the cookie jar.

There’s an old Italian saying that you’re only as good as your last sandwich. It means that people only remember the last thing we did. Replace sandwich with anything and you get the point. We’re only as good as our last campaign, last meeting, last quarter, last performance.

And what’s worse is that we are often our own worst critics. It's funny how easily we forget our victories when things get tough, isn't it?!

So instead of looking at our latest performance (that perhaps didn’t go so well) as a failure, what if we took note of all the successes we’ve had in the past?

This concept is called the ‘cookie jar’ method. II first heard about it from David Goggins, a former Navy SEAL and endurance athlete, and it's a great tool to change how we think about life’s tough moments.

Here's the thing - we all have those days where nothing seems to go right. The presentation falls flat, the client says no (or ghosts us completely), or that project we've been pouring our hearts into for months gets canned. In these moments, our minds tend to spiral into self-doubt and irritation.

That’s when we need a mental treasure chest filled with all our wins, big and small! If we are starved of positivity and self-belief, we can mentally dip into our ‘cookie jar’ to remember that we have the skills within us to do amazing work.

Let me give you an example. Recently I shared the story of my presentation for the Canadian Red Cross. That's in my cookie jar. Not just the successful presentation itself, but the moment I pulled the car over, completely stressed, and found the space to use my tools and push through. These are the kinds of moments I hold onto.

Our cookie jars might include things like:

• The project we delivered when everyone said the deadline was impossible

• The time we spoke up in a meeting despite our nerves (bonus points for doing something out of our comfort zone!)

• When we got tough feedback, but used it as fuel to bounce forward with noticeable improvement

• That positive feedback from a client that reminded us why we do what we do

Here's what I love most about this approach - it's not about pretending everything's perfect. It's about remembering that we've faced tough stuff before and made it through. Every challenge we overcome is another cookie in our jar.

How to actually use the cookie jar.

As humans, we tend to focus on the negative more than the positive. We are simply wired this way - our ability to attune to the dangers of life is how we survived and evolved as a species. What this means is that it’s now harder for us to focus on what is good. So we have to practice it. By actively storing and revisiting positive experiences, we can reshape our mindset to focus on our capability rather than our shortcomings.

I keep what I call a "wins folder" in my email. It's where I save those messages that remind me of the challenges I’ve overcome or the high-quality work I’ve done. I don’t even need to read it; sometimes just knowing that this folder exists is often enough to shift my perspective from "I can't do this" to "I've done hard things before."

The beauty of the cookie jar is that it's always growing and it never shrinks. Every challenge we face, every obstacle we overcome, every small win we achieve - they all go in there. And I can almost guarantee that we've all probably got more wins than we realize.

To start building a cookie jar we can take a few minutes to write down three wins from the past month. They don't have to be huge achievements - maybe it's handling a difficult conversation well, or finding a creative solution to a problem, or simply showing up on a day when we really didn't feel like it.

Our past successes aren't just memories. They're the fuel for our future resilience.

Until next time, stay resilient.

Carre @ Resilient Minds

PS - I’m also on Instagram so come and follow me over there.